Stress relief even without a quiet mind

In my early years as a meditator, I believed that my ability to stay focused on my breath and stop my mind from wandering meant I was doing it right. This belief combined with my ever-wandering mind (planning, judging, rehearsing, rehashing, worrying, remembering - all of them) was far from stress relieving for me.

Since then, my relationship with the breath during meditation has evolved. I find it more like a place to rest my attention. When distraction like thoughts arise, my intention is to take the perspective of a neutral observer and I encourage my thoughts to remain in the background while keeping the breath in the foreground. It’s true that the mind is likely to become more quiet with longer periods of practice, it can’t be forced. Even when my mind has become more quiet, what this means for me is that my thoughts have slowed down and I can more easily note how they arise and pass away, without any effort on my part.

Once we have a general sense of how to pay attention the the breath when the mind wanders, the attitude we bring to meditation is paramount. What does meditation mean for you? With less judgement of our moment to moment experience during meditation, perspective on being a meditator and why you practice are aspects that sustain a longterm practice, even more than what happens during any single period of meditation. Examples of attitudes that may be helpful are to unplug, recharge, rest, take a break, connect with yourself, let yourself be, or practice loving kindness or self -compassion - to just name a few.

Something else to consider is that the breath is not the only or best anchor for everyone. Other anchors like sounds or body awareness may feel more supportive of slowing down and becoming a neutral observer of experience. Some people may prefer open awareness or open monitoring, which still involves conscious intent to be present and aware. And then there’s loving kindness meditation practice, among others. There are many options and one is not necessarily better than another. I myself go through periods of time where I will gravitate more specifically to one of these, and then at some point something else will feel more helpful.

In a similar way to how we might unsubscribe from marketing emails, we can unsubscribe from the notion that, on top of everything else, to be stress free means having a completely quiet and obedient mind. This itself may bring some stress relief and feel like one less thing on your list to “do” or accomplish.

Wishing you many moments of self caring, loving kindness, and mindfulness.

Poem: Walk Slowly 

by Danna Faulds

It only takes a reminder to breathe,

a moment to be still, and just like that,

something in me settles, softens, makes

space for imperfection. The harsh voice

of judgment drops to a whisper and I

remember again that life isn't a relay

race; that we will all cross the finish

line; that waking up to life is what we

were born for. As many times as I

forget, catch myself charging forward

without even knowing where I'm going,

that many times I can make the choice

to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk

slowly into the mystery.